Roses
by bbroses
Summary: Bella worries each and every day. She never knows when her live will suddenly change for the worse. What will she do when her life might change for the better.


**_Twilight_ is not mine. I'm just having a little fun with the character's names.**

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Taking a sip of my coffee, I looked around the room. There were people everywhere, but none of them here for me.

There were groups of friends, catching up after being separated for only a few hours. There were couples taking a break from reality to lose themselves in their own little world. There were families treating themselves to a warm drink on a cold day.

Then there was me, sitting here all by myself. I wasn't waiting for anyone. I wasn't staying longer after my company left. I was just taking time out of my life to get a coffee and sit in a crowded room alone.

I looked back down at the table and resumed my homework. Just like every other student, I loathed schoolwork, but it made me feel good about myself. I may not have people around me, but I could solve quadratic equations better than anyone I knew.

I spent every afternoon in this safe coffee shop. I sat on the same stool, in the same corner every time I was here. Yet, no one here knew who the girl in the corner was. The baristas knew my drink, but not my name. The patrons even knew this was my spot. Still, no one knew a thing about me.

It wasn't because I was shy, or because I kept to myself. I would gladly talk anyone up given the chance. No one ever wanted to try and get to know me. Why ask the girl in the corner about her life, when it's just easier to ignore her? She won't be bothered by it, right?

Usually, it didn't bother me. I knew people didn't like to branch out of their comfort zones. It's easier to remain who you are when you aren't trying to change your circumstances.

Sometimes though, you just want to see that people can change, and look outside of their own little world and see what's going on in the lives of another. Sometimes, I just want to feel like _I'm_ enough.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, I noticed I only had a few minutes to get home before I was late for dinner. Grabbing my bags, I rushed out the door, barely taking the time to notice the group of people making their way into the little shop.

I made it home only a few minutes late. However, it didn't matter. I still got _the stare_ from my father.

"Sorry dad, I just got distracted. I won't let it happen again."

He grunted in response and started eating. I sighed and picked at my plate. Dinner just didn't sound appealing tonight.

Eventually, I gave up and excused myself to my room. In only this room would I let my true emotions show, my tears go and let the truth of how I really felt about the world take over. It was only this room that truly knew how I felt about everything in life.

I must have cried myself to sleep because before I could register anything; my alarm was ringing out, signaling the start of a new day.

Groaning, I rolled out of bed and began yet another monotonous day. School, coffee, home, bed; it never changed. Today, I was thankful for that. I didn't want the routine to change. I wanted to stay right here, right now.

I made it through school and wandered back to my coffee shop. The three dollars and fourteen cents was ready for my coffee by the time I made it to the counter, and they had my twelve ounce peppermint latte ready for me. It was a silent exchange and I walked back over to my corner.

I set up the counter just like I usually did before glancing around and taking my usual inventory of people. Friends, couples, families, all present and accounted for. There was one new face, but I didn't pay much attention because after all, the new face was part of a crowd. However, I already knew that whomever the face belonged to wouldn't pay any attention to me.

Only moments into my coffee hour, something went wrong. My chest started to feel tight, my head became fuzzy and panic overwhelmed me. I grabbed my stuff and rushed out, anxious to make it home. I had to be home before things got bad. I couldn't let anyone else see.

Luckily, I made it just in time. No one but my dad saw what happened, and he knew what was going on. For how absent he can be in my life, he knew what I needed and held me as I cried that night.

For two weeks I had a different routine, one that I hated. It reminded me of how unfair the world was. I became a different person for those two weeks. The only similarity was the happy face I put on for everyone.

You can't show how you really feel when people admire you for your outlook on life. Telling people how you really feel would shatter the illusion they have of you. It's easier to make others happy with a lie than it is to make yourself happy with the truth.

Finally, the two weeks were over and I could get back to my real life routine. It wouldn't be any easier though. I could go back to school, but there'd be the whispers wondering where I had been. I'd go back to the coffee shop, but they'd all stare and wonder too. I'd gladly answer their questions if they'd only ask. I'm sure the theories they came up with where better than the truth though. The reality of my life would be nothing compared to the fantasies teen minds came up with.

The first day back at school was always worse than any other day. I'd have to catch up on everything that I missed, schedule make up quizzes and tests, and deal with the snickers behind my back.

"_I bet she had an emotional breakdown. She can't be like she is and not have them."_

"_I heard her dad sent her away after she locked herself away in her room and wouldn't come out."_

"_Are you sure? Because someone told me she was sent to the psych ward because she's not right in the head."_

I'd love to turn around and tell them all what really happened, but they wouldn't believe me. The truth isn't nearly as entertaining as the gossip heard around town.

Eventually the school day was over. I missed two weeks of school and it would take me even longer to make everything up. I was used to it though. I'd rather be here than the other place.

I walked to the coffee shop, my money ready. I had to wait in line before I could get my coffee; I was gone for two weeks, they wouldn't have my coffee ready today.

"Welcome back," was the only words spoken as I got my cup. I mumbled my thanks and walked to my corner. The other downside of being gone two weeks; someone had taken my spot. I hadn't been there to claim it; the stool was fair game as far as every person in the store was concerned.

Sighing, I walked up to the figure and tapped their shoulder. Turning around, I remembered the face as the one I had caught a glimpse of two weeks ago; the new person in the shop. He wouldn't have known and so I couldn't fault him for sitting here.

"I'm really sorry, but that's where I usually sit. Would you mind..?"

He jumped up and moved out of the way. "I'm sorry, here you go," he stated as he gestured toward where he had just been sitting. "I just haven't seen you sitting here lately; I assumed you had found somewhere else to go."

"Um…no," I mumbled. "I was just tied up with something else, but I'm back now. Thanks."

He looked down at me and for the first time I noticed his eyes. They were a gorgeous mint green and their stare made me feel uncomfortable.

"No problem," he stated, trailing off as he continued to stare and leave his unasked question floating in the air. It took a moment before I realized he was waiting for my name.

"Bella, my name is Bella."

"Well Bella, I'm sorry for taking your seat these past couple of weeks. I'm Edward, and do you mind if I sit over here anyway, or do you have claim on these other spots as well?"

His eyes were alight with teasing as he spoke, but I couldn't feel the same energy. I knew he'd be just like everyone else that actually tried to befriend me. Eventually they'd find out some of the truth and they'd run, afraid of what it meant. It happened every time. "No, I don't have claim over those spots. Go right ahead and use them."

The light left his eyes and for a moment, and I was upset that I had taken some joy away from them. I couldn't let myself start to feel anything, so I simply turned around and got back to work, ignoring everything else around me. Just like I did most days in the past, and just like I will continue to do in the future.

It was my routine. It was safe. It kept me from getting crushed by reality.


End file.
